Isn’t that a law? Be careful of the rock you pull. A rock slide may lurk behind it.
Being Bob all the time is already taking a toll on me. This morning I wanted to check something – I keep some business materials on my laptop. The first page to be displayed was Bank of America. On it was a picture. I was mesmerized. Why, oh Lord, why can’t I look like either of these ladies? Just look – smooth crotch, thin arms and legs, long hair, big breasts, wider hips leading to thinner waists…
Gender Dysphoria sucks big time.
Being forced to go back and “just live with it” is painful and disheartening.
But if I do something about it I can’t make a living. Well, maybe I can find a job working at McDonald’s… maybe.
So here I sit at my dream job feeling sad and trapped. I’m almost desperate to tell someone here – but that could lead to the same mysterious “down-sizing” I just experienced with Clever Devices.
At lunch I turned on “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead” by Sheryl Sandberg. It really can be empowering. Then there are sections that address women considering career or children and how too often it’s thought to be an either-or condition. She may have a career or a family, not both. Damn. Okay, I have a family. But I can never be a stay-at-home mom. Neither can I be a professional mom…
I’m a walking paradox: as a man I get the “power” many women desire. As a transgender woman I have to look far above me just to see the lowest woman. As a man I am distracted and conflicted all the time. As a trans woman I am judged unworthy to try.
Is there a solution to all this?
I cannot be Bob for long.
I cannot be Rachael for long.
I cannot leave my family without support.
Stop the world. I want off.