Your help

I have a dilemma that I need your help resolving.  The root problem is my mind doesn’t match my body.  Wait!  Don’t run off thinking I’m another freak with a bullhorn.  That’s not what I want nor what I’m looking to resolve.

This mismatch is a small problem compared to pedophilia or aspergers but it nags at me day and night.   How should I resolve this?  Here are the choices that I have:

 

Antipsychotic Medication 

No medication has ever worked to change the brains of people like me.  This suggests it’s not a mental dysfunction like autism or many psychosis.

Do nothing

Have you ever had a song get stuck in your head?  Yeah, just about everyone has.  Imagine that song (or fragment of song) won’t stop playing in your head – EVER.  It’s torture enough when it happens for a short time.  Imagine the horror of finding out it doesn’t stop with time.  In fact as you get older the song gets louder and stronger and the treatment gets less and less effective.

Live in perpetual torture until you die.

Hormone Replacement Therapy

That leaves 2 choices: change the body or live in perpetual torture to your last breath.  And believe me, it is every bit as bad as the dripping water torture and the only way to slow the drip is to change the body.  And once changes start you face a whole new set of problems to compound your existing problems.

So if I do nothing I will be living a lie, keeping myself hidden from the world and slowing killing myself, if not driving myself into a mental state that has a 50/50 chance of ending in suicide.

But if I do something then Deuteronomy 22:5 is pronounced and I’m sinning.  Worse, I’m turning my back on God and thumbing my nose at him.

Which is worse? Living a lie that kills you or committing an abominable act and asking forgiveness?

Why is Deuteronomy 22:5 not used to show women that wearing any articles of male clothing (which is close to 100% in the USA) is sinning the same way as every cross dresser and transsexual?

Should we examine the outfits of 2000+ years ago and work from that or is male and female garb dictated by society and not God? From what I’ve learned the biggest difference is men’s robes were a few inches shorter with tassels and women’s robes had longer sleeves. Do we follow that rule? Why not?

Thanks!

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10 thoughts on “Your help

  1. Becca Platt

    Changing of clothes and hairstyles over time have made this acceptable in society. Doesn’t make it right necessarily, but, changing the temple of God, which your body is fearfully and wonderfully made by Him seems to insult His creation. I know as an artist, if someone were to take one of my painting and add to it or change it entirely, I would be more than upset. I can’t imagine God would feel much different. Secondly, the wearing of female clothes when you are a male is explicitly listed as a sin. Choosing to repeatedly break a sin and not even attempt to stop is not being repentive and therefore not forgiven. At least that’s my take on it.
    S0rry if you don’t like what that Bible says, we can’t change it to make it fit what we want. God didn’t say it would be easy to walk away from sin. And I can’t offer any advice on how to do that in your situation either. I can only pray for your peace of mind and that God will forgive you in the end..

    Reply
    1. PlattBob3 Post author

      Becca,
      Thank you for your thoughts. You are a kind and generous person. If I may, let me share my thoughts and feelings.

      “… changing the temple of God, which your body is fearfully and wonderfully made by Him seems to insult His creation.”

      I respect your opinion, but I don’t agree. Nothing in this universe is static and unchanging. Even the stars change. Only God is unchanging.

      The first question that comes to my mind is: what change does God not accept? I would think any change that takes us away from His love and grace is unacceptable. Beyond that, any action we take without love is meaningless.

      The next logical question would be: do bodily changes offend God? I don’t think so. We change all the time. Puberty involves massive changes to our bodies. What I seek is a second puberty.

      “Secondly, the wearing of female clothes when you are male is explicitly listed as a sin.”

      True. But for me, this is where sin gets sticky. Am I truly a man when a big part of me is a woman? I feel like I’m sinning no matter what clothing I wear. Unless I’m in sweats and a tee shirt, some part of me is in the wrong clothes all the time.

      “Choosing to repeatedly break a sin and not even attempt to stop is not being repentive and therefore not forgiven.”

      May I know where scripture says this? I understand we should ask forgiveness with a repentant heart. But there are examples of God’s people repeating the same sin over and over and still being called righteous.

      “I can only pray for your peace of mind and that God will forgive you in the end..”

      I thank you for the prayer. I certainly need it! As for forgiveness, I am secure in my faith and know I am forgiven.

      I once prayed you would find unconditional love. By this I did not mean that unconditional love would be given to you – God already provides that and I would like to think my love for you has few conditions. Rather I prayed your love would losing it’s conditions.

      Now I am seeing your heart open more every day and it is truly inspiring! You are truly on the path to following the law of love!

      Praise be to God!

      Reply
  2. PlattBob3 Post author

    I know we’ve discussed this. I just want to put it into words here.

    No, I do not feel it was alright. I sinned. I committed a horrible act. And I will regret it for a very very long time.

    At the time I didn’t feel I had a choice. I was already torn to shreds, my defenses holding back the river that is gender dysphoria all collapsed. There was nothing left to give, nowhere left to hide. Yet at the same time you were getting ready for major surgery. So if I told you the truth it would have shattered your confidence and the surgical outcome would be far less certain.

    After much thought, each time you asked if I was on estrogen I should have answered, “I can’t answer that.” Of course that immediately leads to the question, “why?” I could use the same answer for each follow-up question, but I think you would deduce a failure to deny taking estrogen is highly suggestive that I am. But perhaps that would have been enough – to leave you uncertain.

    In any case, here we are a month later. Our relationship is strained but we are still friends. I have no doubt the strain comes from learning the truth and dealing with your man wanting to become a woman.

    Reply
  3. Becca Platt

    How can I even try to build any kind off relationship with someone who has repeatedly lied to me? Let alone one with aTG. That in itself is a losing battle ( you quoted, 98% divorce rate of couples who have one transition to the opposite sex).

    Reply
    1. PlattBob3 Post author

      “How can I even try to build any kind off relationship with someone who has repeatedly lied to me?”

      I didn’t expect we would last, but I did hope for it. Sure we only had a 2% chance – and that was based on your ability to change as I changed, so I had to try. But there’s a line you can’t cross – and that’s okay. It’s your hard line in the sand. I do not find fault in it, nor do I think less of you for not crossing it.

      When my partner becomes hostile at my problems or becomes hostile when I seek help, what am I to do? How do I deal with am impossible situation when my partner not only denies me love and support but then replaces it with fear, anger and mistrust?

      Reply
      1. Becca Platt

        First of all, I have always encouraged you seeking help. But my suggestions to try “normal” concilling and anti depressants weren’t even a consideration to attempt to save our relationship. Oh and let’s be clear about that line in the sand. I will not become a lesbian. As far as the anger, fear, and mistrust. Anger, yes, because you took me from one side of the country, isolated med from my support group, and then tell me about all this. Mistrust, well that is what continual lies and broken promises breeds. Anger well, you married a redheaded Swiss girl. I told you about my temper up front. Yes, I feel I have a right to be angry. As for fear, at the time, I was in pain at a level of 8 out of 10 on a constant basis and YOU were my only caregiver. I knew if you went this route we would split up, so yes I was filled with fear. Not of you but at the prospect of having no one to help me after you had taken me to the other side of the country. Since then I have built up a support group here. Additionally, I have made many many accommodations for you that you know I have had a hard time with. None of this ever gets mentioned. Nice.

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