Consider This Scenario

Every night a man enters your house, straps you down and drips water on your head for 2 to 4 hours. Within a minute the torture becomes unbearable. But it doesn’t stop.

You try to keep the man out but he manages to get to you every night. You use traps and guns and every means known to man to keep him away with no success. He comes every night escaping every trap and trick you have. Occasionally you may get lucky and have a night off. But that’s rare.

What’s worse, the sound of running or dripping water now triggers memories of the torture, bringing it clearly into your mind as if living it right then and there. Every faucet, every fountain, every time it rains, you relive the torture.

You turn to God and pray. It helps the trauma but God will not take away your tormentor.

There is an escape: rob the man every night. Take his water and he has too little to nothing with which to torture you.

Clearly this has significant consequences from a Christian standpoint. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10) Thieves don’t enter the kingdom of God.

You are in a living hell and your only escape is a sin that may cost you eternal life. But doing nothing pushes you further and further into insanity.

What do you do?


This is my dilemma.  The days for me are not as torturous as nights. At night my gender dysphoria is so pressing I can barely stand it.

Every woman I see is a reminder of what I am not and can never obtain.

But I have a way out: hormones and cross dressing.  Thing is, cross dressing is a sin.

The last time I robbed the dysphoria of it’s hold on me was 10 years ago.  Think of it.  Every night I am tortured horribly.  Every time I see a woman I am tortured.

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and reprieve and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

Over 3,600 days and nights of torture.

And I cracked.  I fell apart and could not handle the torture any more.

But I persisted. And the crack widened.  6 months later that crack nearly killed me.  Oh, my body would be okay, but my mind was shattered.  Only God was able to put me back together.  But if I continued any longer, society would lose a productive member and start paying for mental care instead.  God would lose a warrior to the darkness.

So I risk eternity.

 

P.S. Did you see the reprieve in that list of “over and over”?

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